Why Community is Critical for Our Wellbeing (and How You Can Start Rebuilding Yours Today)

Loneliness was built into my being.

I was a parentified child, and I had to grow up fast. So many of us carry this programming as the eldest child or child of immigrants.

But my loneliness doesn’t just come from my roots, it also comes from the environment we live in. The nuclear family template divides us from communal and collaborative living, as does remote work and a global pandemic.

You are hardly alone, but it can really feel that way. We all need each other. In real life.

I’ve cried on the kitchen floor on my knees in grief over how painful it is to mother without a tribe. The first three years of a baby's life, if you're lucky to stay home, can be socially rewarding and supportive as you connect with other mothers & caregivers. As the number of children in the family grows, schedules become more complex and time and energy for connection grow scarce.

I never thought I’d be lonely while being married and while being so busy.

Busy raising kids. Busy building a career. Busy making meals, keeping up with the house, educating myself and practicing to be a better mom, partner, or entrepreneur.

It creeps in during the little moments. Like when I make dinner and wish I had another mom in the kitchen with me, while our kids play and then we eat together. Or when I go for a walk and think, I’d love to have a neighbor to walk with.

Lately, I have been walking with my friend and neighbor in the mornings and it’s been filling my cup to the brim.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot for years as my mantra:

We were never meant to carry all of this alone.

We were never meant to spend $4k a month on childcare, for goodness sake.

We were supposed to be part of a tribe. No wonder mothers in America are burnt out & overwhelmed.

And it’s not just me.

A recent headline nearly made me cry:

“82% of American mothers report feeling lonely.”

Eighty. Two. Percent.

We are connected to everything… Wi-Fi, social media, work emails at 10 pm…

but not to each other.

The Science is Loud and Clear: Loneliness is a Health Crisis

Loneliness is not just a feeling. It’s a biological stressor.

Research shows that chronic loneliness increases our risk for heart disease, depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, and even premature death. In fact, U.S.

Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called loneliness an epidemic — as dangerous to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

For mothers, this hits even harder.

We’re navigating the mental load of keeping a family and home afloat, often without the village we were designed to have. So many of us have parents who are still working or whom we are estranged from, or who live far away. So many of us have partners that feel like an additional child, and not a partner. I hate to say.

Add to that the postpartum period, sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, and societal pressures, and it’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re drowning.

But here’s the thing:

Human connection is a nutrient. Just like protein. Just like sunlight. Just like water.

Our nervous systems require safe connection to feel regulated.

And the more we isolate, the harder it becomes to reach out.

If You’re That Mama Feeling Alone… Here’s What You Need to Know:

It’s not your fault.

You are not bad at making friends.

We live in a culture that glorifies independence and busyness, and devalues caregiving and community. You were set up to feel this way.

Your need for connection is biological.

You are wired to co-regulate with others. To share stories, meals, and support. This isn’t a “nice-to-have.” It’s essential self-care.

Small connections count.

You don’t need a village of 20 people to start feeling better. A chat with one neighbor. A mom friend you can text memes to. Even casual connections, like your regular coffee shop barista and the laundry guy help us feel like we matter.

One Simple Step You Can Take This Week to Rebuild Your Village:

Invite one person to share space with you in real life. It doesn’t have to be a big playdate or brunch. Your house doesn't need to be clean.

It can be:

• A co-working session while kids are in camp or at school

• A quick coffee meet-up while the kids are at an activity.

• Inviting a friend over to have dinner together while the kids play.

• Or even starting a small group chat where you can say, “Hey, I’m going for a walk today at noon. Wanna come?”

• 
  

I know it can feel awkward at first but it just needs to be initiated.

Because when one person starts reaching out, it gives others permission to say, “I needed this too.”

Let’s Fix This Together

I’m starting a WhatsApp group for moms who want to feel less alone and need accountability for self-care. A space where we can celebrate wins, vent when it’s hard, and even meet up for a walk or coffee. If you want to join my circle, drop me a message.

Because I know how hard it is to put yourself out there. I’m doing it scared, too.

But I also know this: I refuse to keep mothering in isolation.

I need my village.

And I think you do, too. ❤️

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